My testimony (sorta)

Sunday night we had a youth service. It was the first youth service that the youth band has played in since April. I think we did a very good job! Once the service had started, it went really well.
I had been asked to give a testimony, and I thought I'd share it on here as well.

Here it is:

I gave my testimony last year at the youth service after youth camp. I talked about how I was having regular Bible studies and memorizing Bible verses and how this was helping me grow closer to God.

However, this year I’ve really been struggling. I’ve felt like God has been far, far away. Like I can’t get close to Him, no matter how hard I try. Then I was reading a book called ‘Lies Young Women Believe’, and one of the lies that they mentioned was that ‘God is not enough.’ I immediately thought ‘I don’t believe that! I know God’s enough! I’ve been taught that my whole life!’
Then the author went on to say that she used to look to friends to fill the emotional void inside of her, and it took some time for her to grasp the basic Truth that God IS enough.
That made me stop and think. And when I stopped to think about it, I realized that I believed that Lie. For quite some time I’ve been asking God to ‘create a void inside of my friends that only You can fill so that they grow closer to You.’
However, what I hadn’t realized is that I have a void inside of ME that only God can fill.

That amazed and freaked me out! And when I looked back over this year, I realized that this year especially, I’ve been turning to my friends more and more to fill the loneliness inside of me. I rationalized it as “I’m very much a people person”.
Which I am, but I’ve gotten to the point where, when I have the house to myself for whatever reason, instead of embracing the quiet and spending that time alone with God, I fill up the quiet with noise and try to find friends that I can go see, or talk to.

After I stopped to think about it, I realized that no matter what I try to fill the void with, it’s never going to be filled by anything other than God.

Also, this year I’ve been struggling with some things, and instead of praying ‘Lord, please show me what you’re trying to teach me through this’, more often I’m praying ‘Why do I have to deal with this? Why can’t you deal with this for me?’
I realized my focus is always about me. However, it should be about God, and what He can do with me.

I tell myself that I’m trying to draw near to God, but there are parts of my life that I’m reluctant to let Him into, because I don’t want to hear what He has to say about it. But God wants to be my closest confidante. He wants to meet all my needs. I am valuable to god, and He cares about the minute details of my life. If I draw near to Him, and allow Him access into all parts of my life, He will draw near to me.

My prayer for this year is that God will fill my life with His presence, and that I will be able to give Him access into all parts of my life. I want to be able to say truthfully: “Whom have I in Heaven besides you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you”